Ben: "It's like group theory with numberishness in it."
(10/3/03)
Valerie: "Philosophy is sort of meta-bullshit."
(10/3/03)
Ben: "The everyone-to-Stephen-Hawking ratio really sucks.
Dan: "But it's better than anywhere else."
(10/3/03)
Emily: "Masochism does not make a good career."
(10/3/03)
Emily: "I'm out of practice; I haven't been slapped in a while."
(10/3/03)
Ben: "You should get high some time."
(10/3/03)
Marlena to Ben, who just stole Valerie's nametag: "You just stripped her."
(10/3/03)
Emily: "Valerie, will you marry me?"
(10/3/03)
Valerie: "I'm a hair slut on an amateur basis."
(10/3/03)
Ben: "Someone sweats like grapefruit to the nth degree."
(10/3/03)
Randall: "So you want to be an asshole, is that what you're saying?"
(10/3/03)
Ben: "Clearly, there's free shoe love in Dabney."
(10/3/03)
Marlena: "Dead chicks can't say no.
Jacob: "Mute girls can't say no."
(10/3/03)
Emily: "...But chairs aren't periodic!"
(10/3/03)
Emily: "I like cheetos. I don't eat them naked, but I like cheetos."
(10/3/03)
Valerie:
"I never thought I'd be saying this... but you could tranquilise the
horse, tape its eyes shut like they do for surgery, and suspend it in a
wind tunnel."
(10/3/03)
Ben: "You could be a lesbian from Vermont."
(10/3/03)
Nick: "Darn you, you have me talking in complete sentences."
(10/3/03)
Ben, while surrounded by three girls on a couch: "Man, life sucks."
(10/3/03)
Ben: "I would say something insulting, but it would probably be interpreted as a marriage proposal."
(10/3/03)
TA on board in Chem: "Ultraviolent catastrophe"
(10/3/03)
Valerie: "And they laughed at us for coming out here."
Emily: "No they didn't."
Valerie: "Well they should have."
(10/3/03)
Valerie: "The guys can mark time while we put on our bras."
(10/3/03)
Emily: "He would make an obnoxious pillow."
(10/3/03)
Valerie: "Why do our conversations always involve so much screaming and falling down?"
(10/3/03)
Stephen Hawking: "With black holes and hawking radiation on my side Dr. Baltimore doesn't stand a chance."
(10/3/03)
John
Preskill about Hawking (Thanks to Em's profile for the name): "I
remember when he used to apologize because he thought he sounded like
an American."
(10/3/03)
Stephen Hawking: "A scientific discovery is like sex, except it lasts longer."
(10/3/03)
Stephen Hawking: "If I hadn't become a physicist my goal would have been to become British Prime Minister."
(10/3/03)
Marlena: "I just emptied my boobs on you."
(10/5/03)
Dan: "Singing is exactly like combing a wet rabbit's hair."
(10/5/03)
Jacob: "You're no longer a pure bitch, you're an applied bitch."
(10/5/03)
Emily: "Anyway, I think I'll come out of my room now."
(10/5/03)
Ben: "Unass me, fiend!"
(10/6/03)
Valerie: "I could come over there and bite you, but it wouldn't mean we were going out."
(10/6/03)
Marlena: "Ben is in the Russian mafia." (Ben is wearing the following black garments: shoes, socks, pants, jacket, shirt, tie)
(10/6/03)
Dan: "If he gained 50 pounds he'd be the man."
(10/7/03)
Valerie: "No, I'm actually more dead today."
(10/8/03)
Randall: "You know that you know what you're talking about, but you're not talking about it."
(10/8/03)
Valerie: "I don't think an organ is a phallic symbol."
(10/8/03)
John: "Proof by styrofoam hammer"
(10/18/03)
Alan: "But it's cute! It's like a dwarf-and-pulley system."
(10/21/03)
Dan: "It's OK to stalk your friends, right?"
(10/21/03)
Prof. Cowie: "...But this is deep and very stupid metaphysics for which we have no time."
(10/21/03)
Dan: "Before Schoenberg, everything was becoming, like, tempo di comatose."
(10/21/03)
Lee: "Excuse me, I want to make out with you."
(10/21/03)
Zack: "You guys are making nerdiness look sexy."
(10/21/03)
Kenneth: "Irony is... being woken up by Emily Russell yelling at other people to go to sleep."
(10/21/03)
Randall: "It's the only way to even the ratio."
(10/3/03)
Ben: "You bitch! That was a shoe!"
(10/3/03)
Valerie: "Emily, are you advocating eating the president?"
(10/21/03)
Jared: "I can't percuss with lipstick on."
(10/21/03)
Ron
Grimm: "This is a little different from the way you understand this in
the Lewis sense, or the high school sense, or the WRONG sense, whatever
word you want."
(10/27/03)
Ron Grimm: "People start drawing six bonds on carbon, we will break your kneecaps."
(10/27/03)
Ron Grimm: "We're going to be a little communistic with our charges."
(10/27/03)
Ron Grimm: "More bonds would be with the broken kneecaps."
(10/27/03)
Ron Grimm: "Is that ok? Everyone got benzene?"
Random student:"I don't have any benzene..."
(10/27/03)
Dan: "For all intents and purposes, a car is a point mass."
(10/30/03)
Dan: "...Alright, no one have sex with Craig."
Ben: "Darn, there go the plans for the evening."
(10/30/03)
Dan: "Wait, there's a breast pump Barbie?"
(10/30/03)
Emily: "What's so strange about it? We're sitting out here doing homework and making elephant sounds."
(10/31/03)
Emily: "Even if you give her boobs, she's still a lesbian."
(10/31/03)
Emily to Dan: "No, I'm not going to lend you a bra."
(10/31/03)
Dan: "Is there an open fishing knife directly beneath my testicles?"
(10/31/03)
Valerie: "You know you're going to sleep when you mean to write 'acceleration' and you write 'intelligence'."
(11/2/03)
Grigori: you aren't addicted to midterms, are you?
(11/3/03)
Dan?: "I didn't really want to call her scrumptious so I just ignored her."
(11/9/03)
Marlena: "Mick was looking at us strangely."
Emily: "Well, we ran up to him and started singing chopsticks. I mean, really!..."
(11/9/03)
Emily: "I can walk in a straight line, honest."
(11/9/03)
Valerie: "If I'm going to lick Emily, it's going to be of my own volition and on my own time."
(11/9/03)
Ben: "I think we should sell Nate Lewis on Ebay."
(11/9/03)
Valerie: "Shut up before I tell you to shut up again!"
(11/9/03)
Ben: "I just successfully raped a small ferret."
(11/9/03)
Dan: "So wait, if we give attention to Ben he'll have sex with us."
(11/9/03)
Dan:
"OK, so you keep dividing the bread, right? And eventually you'll get
to like, an atomic level. This would stop mortal people, but we're from
Caltech, so we're going to have them smash it in a particle accelerator
and pipe the output directly to my mouth."
(11/9/03)
Ben: "Dan, if I asked if you would restrain John and force him to wear women's clothing..."
Dan: "Well, that would be an asshole thing to do; I want to get kicked out of Page House, not elected president!"
(11/9/03)
Ben: "He got slightly eaten by Bulgarians."
(11/9/03)
Ben?: "He takes the fail part of pass-fail frosh too seriously."
(11/9/03)
Ben: "Killing someone is depriving them moderately of some of their civil rights."
(11/9/03)
Park: "It'd be more efficient to just make his fist into a momentum generator."
(11/9/03)
Valerie: "Ben, take your skirt off!"
(11/9/03)
Emily: "Go take off your pants!"
(11/9/03)
Emily: "No, [Jane Austen] did not write a book called Mafia."
(11/9/03)
Jeremy: "Valerie's highly amusing alergic reaction sounds like a D&D spell."
(11/9/03)
Valerie: "I wouldn't want to stalk somebody in an uncreative way..."
(11/9/03)
Dan: "I'm taking a sex ed class."
Ben: "Bullshit."
Dan: "Yes I am, it's in the applied biology department."
(11/9/03)
Ben: "Can you please off this skirt?"
(11/9/03)
Valerie: "There's a total deficit of the correct ass-slapping spirit."
(11/9/03)
Ben: "Rectilinear for me..."
(11/9/03)
Emily: "Take it off, take it off, take it off, take off my shirt, dammit!"
(11/9/03)
Dan: "Hey, want to learn about the penetration effect?"
(11/9/03)
Dan: "I'm going to ionize your valence shell."
(11/9/03)
Dan: "I think we should have a religion that involves eating the President if he gets out of line."
(11/10/03)
Valerie: "Let me try to shift my internal organs."
(11/10/03)
Sam L. (not Sam L.-L.): "I don't usually read porn, let alone biblical porn."
(11/10/03)
Jesse: "There is no gravity; there is only celery."
(11/10/03)
Craig: "I was just pulling that shit out of my ass."
Ben: "You have a very copious ass in that respect."
(11/10/03)
Valerie: "That's my boyfriend, in the red dress and fishnet stalkings."
(11/13/03)
Emily: "I hate physics."
(11/13/03)
Emily: "There are, like, three times as many people here to have sex with."
(11/13/03)
Ben: "Jesse, will you have sex with me?"
Jesse: "Name your price."
Ben: "Twenty dollars."
Jesse: "Twenty dollars? No way! I'm not on declining balance."
(11/13/03)
Valerie: "I need to set aside one day a week when I actually sleep."
(11/13/03)
Jacob: "It doesn't need to be clean, just dead."
(11/13/03)
Valerie: "It's like the same, only less so."
(11/13/03)
Valerie: "I rarely become Gaussian."
(11/13/03)
Jacob: "It's not that bad, it's only one in two to the 4096."
(11/13/03)
Valerie: "It's macho to put ferrets down your trousers."
(11/13/03)
Jacob:
"I like going to Britain, I'm the most attractive man on the island.
People point and stare, and say 'Look at him, he has all his teeth and
his ears are in proportion to his head.'"
(11/13/03)
Andy: "He's a lot more thirteen thirty-seven than you are, Leyan."
(11/13/03)
Valerie: "I think I'm recovering, but there's still a Christmas light on."
(11/13/03)
Randall: "You can't boast about your evolution."
(11/13/03)
Nick,
post on Caltizzle: "Just a reminder, if you post something that I
wouldn't approve of (c.f. goatse) I will personally perform an
inversion with your belly button as the center. Apropos, please do post
more in general!"
(11/14/03)
Valerie's little brother: "Caltizzle, is that a Caltech that fizzles?"
(11/14/03)
Dan: "Anything that creates an obsession is probably a good thing."
(11/14/03)
Joe: "No more Trogdor!!!"
(11/14/03)
Tom: "Killing your girlfriend is like losing your mojo, only with more death."
(11/14/03)
"...And that's why you should use two forms of contraception." -Tom, explaining the reason for his existance
"Yeah. A condom, and abstinence." -Jeremy, in response
(11/15/03)
Randall: "Either she hangs out with him, or he thinks she does."
(11/18/03)
Jesse: "Hey wait, they're isomizzorphic!"
(11/18/03)
Andrew: "I'm trying to avoid work for the next half hour or so."
Dan: "There's always pornography... or Gray's Anatomy."
(11/18/03)
Ron
Grimm, after Dave Weinberg demonstrated how to count to 18 during a
lecture on the 18-electron rule: "I had him do it because I had an
accident and lost three toes, so I'm screwed."
(11/18/03)
Ron Grimm: "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in this course. Coming from me, that should be really funny."
(11/18/03)
Ron Grimm, refering to homonuclear bonds: "And they all tango happily together into the sunset."
(11/18/03)
Ron Grimm: "We're not at 18. How do you know that? Because third grade really paid off for you."
(11/18/03)
Ron Grimm, after his voice cracked: "My name is Ron Grimm and I'm 14."
(11/18/03)
Ron Grimm: "Our esteemed panel of judges, Lauren, says 'Meh.'" (with a shrug)
(11/18/03)
Abby: "Look, I squeeze it and it gets shorter!"
(11/19/03)
Ben?: Ladies and gentlemen, an Iraqi operative bit off my genitalia this morning."
(11/19/03)
Jesse: "I stabbed the Army dudes and I can stab you too!"
(11/19/03)
Valerie: "I do not think I am likely to contract feline meningitis from Jesse."
(11/19/03)
Ben: "So then, if you express logic as goo..."
(11/19/03)
Luigi to Jared: "Don't move. Put your shirt back on."
(11/19/03)
Jared: "Writing a fugue is nontrivial."
(11/19/03)
Jacob: "This statue is neat - it's half horse, half sea creature."
Jenny: "Yeah! And this one over here is half mermaid, half sea creature."
(11/19/03)
Ben: "[Jesse] smokes marijuana in large quantities. Unacceptably large quantities."
(11/19/03)
Prof. Scherer: "We don't have any masochists here? I'm disappointed!"
(11/20/03)
Rob Hodyss (chem 1a section C TA): "Hybridization is basically bullshit."
(11/20/03)
Ron Grimm: "So, what's the electronegativity of oxygen?" (looking for "high" as an answer.)
Some student: "3.44"
Ron Grimm: "Who said that? Look, it's a nice day outside. You should experience it."
(11/20/03)
Dan Pragel (math section 12 TA): "That's what math should be about. Saving your ass."
(11/20/03)
Jared: "Oh, right angles, sorry." (While laying Tron on a whiteboard.)
(11/22/03)
John:
"Valerie, I'll make you a deal. You teach me everything I need to know
about Elvish, and I'll teach you everything you need to know about
Klingon."
(11/23/03)
Emily: "You don't need to explain every time you poke someone."
(11/22/03)
Valerie: "Clean up the kitchen in a non-euphemistic manner."
(11/23/03)
Valerie (IM): "when int(0,2)x^3=16 you know it's time to lay off the rum"
(11/25/03)
Anon, on Blacker lounge board: "I sure don't sleep anymore."
(11/25/03)
Nick: "You're Jewish?"
Ben: "In a vaguely Korean sense."
(11/25/03)
Ben: "I'm a franchise!"
(11/25/03)
Emily: "Groups do not masturbate."
(11/25/03)
Andrew: "H-C-S-I-E-H. So I'm apparently Hungarian now.
Valerie: "You just have to sort of sneeze."
(11/25/03)
Valerie: "I only beat people that I'm not going out with."
(11/25/03)
Val: "If I had your voice, I'd probably sound rather different right now."
(11/25/03)
Jaap: "As a business model, dot-coms make a lot more sense than tulip bulbs."
(11/25/03)
Valerie: "You masturbate with sandpaper?"
(11/25/03)
Emily: "Sorry, Jesse, I did not intend to be raped on you."
(11/25/03)
Park: "Cyanide is a pain-killer."
(11/25/03)
Jesse: "What's your mom's number?"
Kurtz: "That would be 1-800-F*CK-YOU."
Ryan: "She works there?"
(11/25/03)
Kenneth: "Ooh! She's wearing clothes!"
(11/26/03)
Jeremy: "I'm just walking along, not really paying attention, and then BAM! Face full of condoms!"
(11/28/03)
Jeff Kranski: "Well, if I can't get screws, I'm going to get hammered."
(11/30/03)
Alex: "Yes! One percent is done!"
(12/1/03)
Jeremy: "You're insulting my knowledge of Escape Velocity"
(12/1/03)
Ben P. to Shai: "You're a recovering sleep addict?"
(12/2/03)
Emily (IM): "Give me some negative weed, then."
(12/2/03)
(IM) John: There are varying degrees of upstateness
Ben: much as there are varying degrees of being equal to 2.
John:
Let me put it this way: the set of equivelance classes of upstateness
is homeomorphic to some subset of the real line, not some discrete
space
John: I think that made sense
(12/3/03)
Dan O'Hanlon: "It says 'Peter Foley' on it, therefore it's mine.
(12/4/03)
Jesse: "Pass is fail and fail is pass / Hover through the fog and filthy grass"
(12/4/03)
Valerie: "How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?"
(12/7/03)
Tom: "How did I miss this? It's squid!"
(12/8/03)
Tom: "Today is today. Today is not yesterday. Today is tomorrow."
(12/8/03)
From the Califonia Tech:
"Tree failure can occur at any time. Trees can be managed, but they
cannot be controlled and to live near a tree is to accept some degree
of risk."
(12/9/03)
Dan: "Has anyone here *not* seen breasts?"
Marlena: [raises hand] "I haven't."
(12/10/03)
Val: "Beds are NOT inductive."
(12/10/03)
Tom: "Why is there a condom pierced with a pin on the door, and why is my finger bleeding?"
(12/10/03)
Dan: "Now I look like Adolph Hitler. Without a nose."
(12/10/03)
Ben: "The floor is all pointy."
(12/10/03)
Emily, about men: "I don't want to date them, I just want them to follow me around and sing at me."
(12/13/03)
Emily to Ben: "I'm tempted to silence you with my mouth!" (Claims she meant to say 'silence your mouth with my foot'.)
(12/13/03)
Ben
to Emily: "Sorry, I actually meant to finger you." (Claims he meant to
slap her with the tips of his fingers, but that there isn't a word for
this.)
(12/13/03)
Ben to Emily: "Hah, I nailed you!" (Claims he meant that he had clawed her with his fingernails.)
(12/13/03)
Marlena: "Do you want to clean my room for me?"
Ben: "Hah! Maybe if I were Jesus."
(12/13/03)
Emily: "This needs a high tenor."
John: "Well, I'm not a tenor, and I'm certainly not high."
(12/13/03)
"When the conversation gets so repetitive that everything is being said for the third time, I wonder why it goes on."
"As opposed to what?"
"Ben masturbating in front of everyone."
--Dima and frosh (poss. Ben)
(12/13/03)
Valerie: "For the record, I am not involved in this; I am simply being sat on."
(12/13/03)
Ben P.: "Who needs rum when you have torch fuel?"
(12/14/03)
Anne: "I have a giant bean!"
(12/14/03)
Anon: "'Right and wrong'? Is that like a math course?"
(12/27/03)
Jesse: "It's an eigenfish!"
(12/27/03)
Alan: "In order to be normal, Jesus would have to conjugate with everything."
(12/28/03)
"Shut
up, you monkey! Curse be upon your mustache, you traitor!" -- Iraq's
former Vice President Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri to Sheik Mohammed Sabah Al
Salem Al Sabah, the Kuwaiti minister of state for foreign affairs,
during an emergency summit of Islamic nations in Qatar.
(12/31/03)
Jacob to Nick: "Just sort of rub your ass into the desk a little."
(1/7/04)
Nick: "You know those umbrellas that don't quite fit two people?"
Park: "I've been under one of those, but it was with Dan."
(1/7/04)
IM quotage from yesterday:
Ben: hello silly octopus
Valerie: hey baby want some se
Ben: negative
Valerie: aweed
Valerie: seaweed
Ben: jesse, is that you?
Ben: if so, i love you
(In fact, it was.)
(1/10/04)
Ben: "When you ask about the ambient field of the annoyness vector, you know there's something wrong with your conversation."
(1/11/04)
Ben to Emily: "I'll give it to you... orally!"
Emily to Ben: "You didn't get me very far last time. ... Quit it!!"
(1/11/04)
John: "I like tangerines. They're small. That means I can eat a whole one in one sitting!"
(1/11/04)
Valerie to Dan: "Take the monkey-sex course. It will make you happy."
(1/11/04)
Alan:
"So let me get this straight: You kill the girl, use her blood to dye
the rabbit pink, and then have sex with the rabbit?"
Dan: "No, I would probably use multiple rabbits."
(1/12/04)
Randall: "You just missed Dan's song 'Waste of a Tangerine.'"
John: "That's because I was wasting a tangerine."
(1/12/04)
Dan: "He wants to have sex with you."
Jesse: "Does he think I'm on declining balance?"
(1/12/04)
Prof. Heath: "Just because it's quantum mechanically forbidden doesn't mean you can't do it."
(1/12/04)
Prof. Heath: ""Many of you are wearing clothes... [pause] ...that have organic molecules that are coloured."
(1/12/04)
someone to Ben: "From this angle it looked exactly like you were French-kissing Jesse."
(1/12/04)
"It looked EXACTLY like you two were making out from here."
- Nick, preceded by general nervous laughter, to Ben, who was trying to subdue scratching Emily on the couch.
(1/12/04)
Randall to Ben: "What do you do that makes your pants corrode?"
(1/12/04)
Dan: "Not the ratio, the ethanol!"
(1/12/04)
Jacob: "For everyone reading Cosmo..."
Val: "You're reading Cosmo!"
Jacob: "Are you calling me a slut?!"
(1/12/04)
Ben: "John Edwards is sooo cute!"
(1/12/04)
Val to Andrew: "Where have you been? [Ben]'s got a major John Edwards fetish."
(1/12/04)
Andrew: "Maybe they're assuming three-dollar bills."
(1/12/04)
It's Benmily...
(1/14/04)
Nick: "From the right angle, it looks like [Ben & Emily] are making out."
Valerie: "From the right angle, you can't tell whose legs those are."
(1/14/04)
Emily to Ben: "I am not entering your fingers in any way!"
(1/14/04)
Emily to Ben: "Is that fresh blood or old blood?"
(1/14/04)
Valerie: "Take a picture!"
John: "Picture? This is on video!"
(1/14/04)
Ben sitting on Emily: "You could just jiggle Emily really fast, and then it wouldn't matter if she were clothed or not."
(1/14/04)
"I'm not letting her go!"
-John, while holding onto Emily in the manner of a starfish"
(1/14/04)
Ben: "Me and Jesse have sex with him"
Nick: "Wait, who's him?"
Ben: "Um . . ."
(1/14/04)
Ben: "Somebody was occupying Jesse . . . or perhaps the reverse."
(1/14/04)
Ben to Valerie: "[John and I] had you completely restrained for a period of not less than 10 seconds."
(1/14/04)
Ben: "The rumors were untrue."
Val: "Well, the part about latex was untrue."
(1/14/04)
Ben: "There was a decidedly trivial amount of fluid exchange"
Val: "Well, [Emily] did draw blood."
Ben: "Well, her teeth were sharp."
(1/14/04)
Prof. Heath, about thermo: "Are you going to be a biologist? Just learn the units."
(1/15/04)
Prof. Heath, after writing "phosphores" on the board: "And you'll just have to spell the rest of it, 'cause I don't remember."
(1/15/04)
Prof.
Heath: "...and this is called 'n'" (he actually drew an arrow pointing
to the letter 'n' in an equation, and labeled the arrow 'n')
(1/15/04)
Prof. Alan Hájek: "There are times when the Eiffel Tower resembles my left shoe."
(1/16/04)
Val: "I fell asleep and moved to France."
(1/16/04)
Val (about Ben): "Now he comes up behind me and makes me cough."
(1/16/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "I wrote assembly language programs. That almost caused me to go insane. Maybe that's what happened!"
(1/16/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "If you take a transistor, and cause yourself to have a headache... that's a thyristor."
(1/16/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "Then you have a great device. Put voltage on it, no
current flows. That's great. Everybody needs one of those."
(1/16/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "Whoever made these notes up must have been a crazy maniac..."
(1/16/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "If you're ever in my position, prepare for your classes. Do a good job. Don't be like me!"
(1/16/04)
Tom: "Ahoy, matey! I am a software pirate. I eat rum cake."
(1/18/04)
Ben:
"It is possible for people to walk on water. Marco Polo walked on
water. Marco Polo was also Jesus. ...I need to stop doing cocaine."
(1/18/04)
Ben, to Valerie upon her higging Emily: "Mine!...Oh no. I thought you were Jesse, I swear."
(1/18/04)
Jeremy: "Valerie, I would buy you out of prostitution any day."
(1/19/04)
Randall: "Mylar. Lots of mylar."
(1/19/04)
Nick: "...OK then, what's Babe Ruth's batting average?"
Ben: "12 and a half?"
(1/19/04)
Park: "...Then it would be OK to eat Jesus."
(1/22/04)
Valerie: "Do you think Jesus was haploid?"
Ben: "I thought Jesus was fertilized by little divine sperm."
(1/22/04)
Kenneth: "I've had fun with goatse."
(1/22/04)
Dan: "It's like a Japanese dating sim, only in medieval England."
(1/22/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "Don't buy a plasma TV. If you really want a TV that's
really new and really flat, don't buy a...probably somebody'll sue me
if I say that."
(1/22/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "By the way, this is not a real device. Nobody makes a device like this. But we won't talk about that!"
(1/22/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "...That's why silicon is probably God's chosen material for electronics."
(1/22/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "...And that's why you should build your house out of aluminum if you can."
(1/22/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "I think it's because people don't like to say 'MzzzFET.' It sounds like...something odd."
(1/22/04)
Jacob: "But we'll be diluting the 151."
Park: "Yeah...with gin!"
(1/22/04)
Nick: "It's like a Van de Graaf-generator-on-a-stick."
(1/22/04)
Caption
to a picture of a sapling in a panel on the front cover of the
California income tax booklet, imploring you to do your taxes online:
"DON'T let this tree grow up to be a tax form."
(1/26/04)
From the first paragraph of the text in the California state tax booklet:
"It should be noted that California does not always conform to the entire provisions of a public law."
(1/26/04)
Ben: "Commenting on people's pointy teeth is generally a dubious venture."
(1/29/04)
Jesse to Ben: "If by 'sex' you mean 'buying me dinner every night,' then yes..."
(1/29/04)
Chuck: "Mike, hold me."
(1/29/04)
Jared U.: "Can someone get me a fun noodle? That would be really nice"
(1/29/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "The semiconductor industry always had these people who were swearing and smoking pipes and stuff."
(1/30/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "This is either a twelve-inch wafer or this is a very small person."
(1/30/04)
Ben: "John, Valerie actually wanted me to help her drag you to a secluded location so that she could have her way with you."
Valerie: "I wouldn't need any help with that."
(1/30/04)
John,
about to be ponded, to Valerie and Ben: "I need someone to reach into
my pocket and remove my wallet, and it's not going to be you, Ben"
Ben: "Uh, John, you just asked Valerie to touch your ass."
John: "It's in my FRONT pocket."
(1/30/04)
Prof. Heath: "I have no idea what you just said, but you're right."
(2/2/04)
(IM) Ben: if you let your brain liquefy anymore you're going to be pumping fuel at the naval base making twenty cents a day
Dan: liquid brains...
Dan: good name for a rock band
(2/4/04)
Dan: "Well, California is close enough to spherical..."
(2/5/04)
Dan (referring to the mass-energy conversion): "A single Snickers bar could destroy the world."
(2/5/04)
Valerie to Dan: "Why are you vibrating?"
John: "Dan, are you reproducing asexually again?"
(2/5/04)
Valerie to Nick: "You want to prove that your mother is a ring isomorphism?"
(2/5/04)
Royal to Nick: "What are you doing in class??"
(2/5/04)
Prof.
Okamura, in a Chem 10 lecutre: "When the two molecules collide, there
aren't any other molecules for miles around!... Er, I guess for
nanometers around..."
(2/5/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "[If you
use gold in a fab line] people will hate you. They'll hate you forever
and never let you back into their system."
(2/7/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer, referring to a reverse-biased pn junction: "When you apply a voltage to this, to this poor thing..."
(2/7/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer, referring to some sort of semiconductor: "...and that would emit in the burgundy..."
(2/7/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "I took this from a book somewhere, so I believe that it's true. Everything in print must be true, right?"
(2/7/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "Your beta would be horrible! Well, I think so. I haven't done it either."
(2/7/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "We should come to the stuff that I really like. You may
hate it, but I like it, so that's why we cover it."
(2/7/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer, discussing military photodetectors: "Before you fly your
beautiful plane out of the carrier, you have to fill up the nitrogen
tank."
(2/7/04)
Chem TA: "I was in an earthquake once at
Taco Bell and I thought it was an explosion or something in the back.
Beans all over the place. Probably would have served it to you, too."
(2/7/04)
Jon Gardner: "Hippos kill you... a lot."
(2/8/04)
Raman (written on board): "Living the life of a scribe."
(2/8/04)
Tina: "I'm sorry, I just get really mean at night."
(2/8/04)
Maryam: "Do you have anyone in mind? I could beat up Jeff..."
(2/8/04)
Ben: "Kenneth, you should go get some non-figurative ass."
Kenneth: "OK, I'll be in Blacker."
(2/8/04)
"The following math joke is reportedly due to Michael Aschbacher:
Q: What's purple and commutative?
A: Nothing interesting."
(2/9/04)
(IM) Ben: does the limit exizzle, nizzle?
Apoo: hell no
(2/10/04)
Craig: "When I went to bed, I was wearing a shirt...."
(2/12/04)
Ben: "If I wanted to break Emily's mice..."
(2/12/04)
Jesse: "Just pretend that you're not showing so much cleavage."
(2/12/04)
Scott: "Without circular logic, we wouldn't have circular logic."
(2/12/04)
Craig: "Emily's laughter was sprinkled on like salt."
(2/12/04)
Jenny: "We don't use condoms. We use Cling-Wrap!"
(2/12/04)
Jesse: "Why is there a Post-It on your posterior?"
(2/12/04)
Ben: "That's sexy parsley. ... We should go now."
(2/12/04)
Jeremy: "If someone frolics into me, I'll drop my egg rolls."
(2/12/04)
Alan: "Can I have an extension? I poked my eyes out."
(2/12/04)
Maryam, pointing at her antidepressant pills: "Try sticking this into your penis."
(2/12/04)
John to Ben: "Well, how much hair do you have on your legs?"
(2/13/04)
Ben: "[Emily] is doing n hours of singing tomorrow, where n is larger than - some big number!"
(2/13/04)
Valerie: "I do not deal with words like 'chestnut'."
(2/13/04)
Valerie: "I'm going to tell everyone I'm Australian."
Dan: "What, are you trying to get common-law citizenship?"
(2/15/04)
Dan, while eating KFC: "...who says breasts aren't good?"
(2/15/04)
Probably Raman to Jesse: "No aircraft carriers? You want to carry the aircraft yourself?"
(2/15/04c)
gerG: "I still have to collect money from someone, namely one Greg West."
(2/15/04)
Jon Gardner: "You should be evil."
(2/15/04)
Andrew: "I've never seen someone so gleeful about taxation."
(2/15/04)
Tom: "If you show me a ferret within the next 30 seconds, I will have sex with it."
(2/15/04)
Tom: "I refuse to have sex with an ASCII art ferret."
(2/15/04)
Ben: "I have Alan Hájek. . . nightly."
(2/15/04)
Kenneth, 17, ruefully (during a discussion of statuatory rape): "I don't think I'm getting anyone jailed."
(2/15/04)
Tom,
on the State of the Union, if the official language of the United
States were Ebonics: "He didn't say here's what's going on guys, he
said whaddup, congrizzle."
(2/15/04)
Tom, on George W. Bush: "He went to the dentist for a hemmoroid?"
(2/15/04)
David Griswald: "She's a girl."
Valerie: "No I'm not!"
(2/15/04)
Emily: "Who the hell sent me a cucumber??"
(2/16/04)
Valerie: "When your zucchini is bendy, then you know you've got problems."
(2/17/04)
Valerie: "You bit me! ... Why did I just think of the word 'armadillo'?"
(2/17/04)
Sukhada, about John Kerry: "This fellow looks like a grasshopper."
(2/18/04)
Random
guy in Braun Gym to Jeremy: "There's not many people that walk around
with the Schwarzschild radius formula on their shirts. That's pretty
good."
(2/18/04)
"The human eye should be shot with a hammer."
-- Alan, in his 26th consecutive hour of consciousness
(2/18/04)
Michael Hartl (phys TA): "If you write 'Stoke's Theorem', you will be struck down by lightning. By me."
(2/19/04)
Michael
Hartl (phys TA), about how Stokes' Theorem was really proved by Lord
Kelvin, who sent it to Stokes in a letter: "That's a great deal:
somebody writes you a letter with this result and it gets named after
you! I with Einstein had written me some letters."
(2/19/04)
Michael
Hartl (phys TA): "...The negative sign is arbitrary. It's just like in
gravitation: things roll downhill instead of uphill - it's a
convention."
(2/19/04)
Michael Hartl (phys TA): "Once I was
tutoring someone in factoring polynomials and she just wasn't getting
it - I eventually traced this back to the fact that she couldn't add
and subtract integers."
(2/19/04)
Tom: "If I'm fat, then Kenneth is a sumo wrestler."
Jeremy: "And I'm technically a small asteroid."
(2/20/04)
Ben: "It would be great if Shakespeare wrote comedies, tragedies, histories, and pornographies."
Jeremy: "Like, 'Is this a dagger I see before me, or are you just happy to see me?' "
(2/20/04)
Valerie to Emily: "No no, the underside of your tongue is icky."
(2/21/04)
"Eww. I have bird poop on my jacket!"
"Hmm. Is it still wet?"
"I'm not going to touch it..."
"Dude, it's raining anyway."
"Yeah, that's right."
"Oh, wait, that's just part of my chocolate bar from earlier."
- Randall and Co. after seeing "21 grams".
(2/21/04)
Dan to Ben (IM): so you're not the boring, missionary type?
(2/24/04)
John: "We should save the brainless work for later when we're tired, and do the brainful work now."
(2/25/04)
Valerie, on John's invention of the word 'brainful': "It's like mindful, only squishier!"
(2/25/04)
Jacob, recounting Park's story of a discussion of foreign languages in SC: "'If English was good for Jesus, it's good for me!'"
(2/25/04)
(IM) Dan: hey
Dan: little kids run around naked anyway
Dan: older kids wish that kids of the other gender would run around naked
Dan: there's really only maybe a couple years in there
Dan: where nudity isn't an important part of your life
(2/26/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "Oh well. Who needs this modern technology?"
(2/28/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "You drive around, you crash into something. You need to
have some sort of switch to tell you you've crashed."
(2/28/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "Then you have passed the 'oh-my-gosh, golly' point and it is no longer able to recover."
(2/28/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "You take a piece of silicon and try to bend it, it's
very hard. Maybe you've already tried. You probably have."
(2/28/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "It's not my day to die. Oh well."
(2/28/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "I've now successfully killed an hour."
(2/28/04)
From
an ACM 95b set: "You may use a computer algebra package, or look up the
Jacobians if you view manual algebra or cleverness as too challenging."
(2/28/04)
Anonymous: "You know where the name Pakistan comes
from? Well, when it was conquered by some foreign power, P, A, K, and I
were the first four letters of the four dominant ethnic tribes in the
region... *nods* Right. It came that close to being called Kapistan."
(3/1/04)
GoSCaDHiMUT!
(3/2/04)
Yijia: "You shouldn't have molecules like that."
(3/2/04)
Glen
George, explaining why table-driven code is better: "I don't want to
write more code. I don't want to write more functions. Functions have
that big header that you have to fill out, if nothing else." (The above
quote is probably much funnier if you are taking/have taken EE 5x.)
(3/2/04)
Prof.
Rosenstone (Hum 3c), on feminism: "We haven't quite figured out how to
have men have children yet, but someday you guys will."
(3/2/04)
From
a Stanford student newspaper article: "TV commentators love to go on
and on about Duke's academic prowess in addition to their athletic
skill, as if being called 'the Harvard of the South' wasn't an insult.
That's like being the hottest girl at Caltech, or having the largest
penis in Japan.
(3/3/04)
Ben to Emily: "If I were more you-like than you..."
(3/5/04)
Emily to Ben: "I'm not accusing you of not being a goldfish, I'm just accusing you of not being me.
(3/5/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "How many of you don't want a final at all? [Everybody raises hand.] How predictable!"
(3/5/04)
Luke: "[Make it an] optional final!"
Scherer: "I've tried that before...it got me into trouble"
(3/5/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "You've all made fluidics chips, so you'll have a personal relationship to this thing."
(3/5/04)
Prof. Axel Scherer: "I'm not going to go into the details. I'm sure that there's a reason for this."
(3/5/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "If someone comes out of APh 9 and doesn't know [the IV
characteristics of a diode], it's very embarrassing to me."
(3/5/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "How many of you want to take a final, now that you know
what's on it? [Nobody raises hand.] I'm proud of you. You stick by your
convictions...there's something to be said for that."
(3/5/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "Phonons are our enemy. Phonons are the worst thing we
could have, right? Well, maybe not. Maybe there's some use for them.
They're heat, right? So we'd all be cold."
(3/5/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "There's a professor here who's spent years showing that
phonons are waves. I told him, 'Yeah, we knew that!'"
(3/5/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer, explaining why you can't bend firber-optic cable too
much: "You can't have a very sharp curve in a railroad track; your car
would fall off, it would be embarassing!"
(3/5/04)
Prof.
Axel Scherer: "If you ever build your own fiber-optic network, make
sure you pay everybody with roses first, then buy your equipment and
stuff." (By the way, by "pay everybody with roses," he meant "pay
everybody who has roses," not "give roses to everybody.")
(3/5/04)
Rupert
Venzke, Math 1 TA: "I thought that, if I ever became a rapper, I would
call myself Pos Def, and do this." [Holds up hands with fingers in
right-hand-rule position--there ought to be a name for this.]
(3/5/04)
Jesse: "I like girl's rooms."
(3/8/04)
Dan O'Hanlon: "I'll wrap you in my chains."
(3/8/04)
Tom: "My brother is vacuously 14 and also vacuously 28, so that if he masturbates, he has vacuously committed a felony."
(3/8/04)
(IM) Dan: Malloc would be a great name for an ancient pagan god...
(3/9/04)
undefined
Ryan N, on painting food: "Is it the lead kind? I love that!"
(3/10/04)
Dan: "All the squirrels need to get themselves some hypotenuses"
(3/11/04)
Jaap: "It's hard to tell whether a cactus is hallucinating or not."
(3/11/04)
Tom: "The problem is, this C compiler was developed by squirrels in the 17th century."
(3/11/04)
Valerie to Ben: "You're a baboon."
Ben: "Are you accusing me of having small genitalia?"
Valerie: "I'm accusing you of having small genitalia, a long, striped face, and a red and blue ass."
(3/11/04)
This little gem took place over dinner last night.
Ben: ...so if Bush wins the election in 2004, we'll all be dead.
Tom: ...and cheese!
Poon: In Cheese?
Valerie: Didn't you hear what he just said?
Poon: No.
Valerie: He said, "If Bush wins the election in 2004, we'll all be dead." Tom replied, "and cheese."
Poon: No no, not "and cheese", "in Cheese".
Valerie: What?
Poon: In Cheese. Like Rhapsody...in Cheese! *Makes a sublime artist's gesture.*
Valerie, Emily, et al.: What did you just say?!
Poon: That's right. Rhapsody...in Cheese! *Makes the very same gesture.*
Emily: "Rhapsody in cheese"?
Poon: No, that's not it. It's not "rhapsody in cheese", it's Rhapsody...in Cheese!
Ben: Now that's just insane...that's Poon for you, folks. Insane.
Valerie: I once read "Rhapsody in Glue" somewhere.
Emily: What?
Valerie: Like it was on the page, "Rhapsody in Glue". A misprint.
Emily: Oh...*nods*
Poon: For some reason I still think that "Rhapsody in Cheese" makes more sense than "Rhapsody in Glue", but oh well...
(3/12/04)
Valerie: "Emily wants to go somewhere fruity."
John: "Well we could go to my room..." [rest drowned out by riotous laughter]
(3/13/04)
John: "Emily wants wet fruit."
(3/13/04)
Ben to Emily: "I make a better girl than you!"
(3/13/04)
Machael
Hartl: "Word problems raise fear in the hearts of ordinary people so
when people ask what you do say it's all one big word problem...
they'll be like ewwwugh."
(3/14/04)
Machael Hartl: "Am I an idiot? No, I'm... I'm a supergenius."
(3/14/04)
Machael
Hartl: "...algebraic mistakes that yield a wrong answer that is
indistinguishable from a right answer other than obviously being wrong"
(get more points than saying eg v=1.2)
(3/14/04)
Machael Hartl, about Little Mermaid: "I was a little old for it but it was still great."
(3/14/04)
Machael Hartl: "The derivative of two is two times the derivative of one by linearity."
(3/14/04)
Emily to Ben: “Stop dropping coins between my legs!”
(3/16/04)
Valerie: “John, you’re not The Man; you get anally raped by the man nightly.”
(3/16/04)
Emily to Ben: “Why are you reaching between my legs and groping yourself!?”
(3/16/04)
Ben: “What if John shocked his partner with 5000 volts upon orgasm?”
Tom: “Well he’d need a very thick, very dry condom.... GLASS CONDOMS!”
Valeire: “Eaaaaargh!”
Ben: “He also probably should not masturbate.”
(3/16/04)
Tom: “Then the room is hermetically cheesed? What?”
(3/16/04)
Tom (re: chinchillas): “In fact, Emily is so cute and furry that she is illegal in some states.”
(3/16/04)
Emily: “Well, he’s straight in the sense that he has a girlfriend.”
Ben: “Many gay people have girlfriends.”
Valerie: “Yes, most of them are women.”
(3/16/04)
Tom: “I owe my existence to the failure of contraceptive foam.”
Emily: “Eeew, foam, icky.”
(3/16/04)
Ben:
“And so I’ll run into Michael Aschbacher’s office tomorrow, and be
like, I performed oral sex on the ottoman, just like you!”
(3/16/04)
“Hello, my name is Jesus and I work in maintenance.”
(3/16/04)
Jesse: "Morality is for pigeons."
(3/15/04)
Jeremy: "Did you just ask me to join the penis police?"
(3/15/04)
Emily to Ben: "I bit you and I slapped you, and that’s as much sex as you’re going to get for 0.27 fucking cents."
(3/16/04)
Ben (AIM): hahahahahaha! you are on sooo much crack cocaine. the nation of colombia is jealous."
(3/18/04)
John: “No, the Romans were great organic chemists... I can just see Julius Caesar on his deathbed… ‘Tosyl chloride, Brutus’...”
(3/20/04)
Anon: “There are simple formulas [for prime numbers] if you’re willing to expand your definition of ’simple.’”
(3/29/04)
Mike Wilson: "Who doesn’t like a duct-tape-and-jelly sandwich once in a while?"
(4/5/04)
Andrew: "So let’s say you have a really long cannon. How’re you gonna use it? Poke people with it?"
(4/5/04)
The following quotes were *not* collected by John Sadowski. I'm
lazier than he is, so they're not consistently formatted, dated, attributed,
etc.
--Tom
"There are simple formulas [for prime numbers] if you're willing to expand your definition of 'simple.'"
Tom: "You know, this sign says 'Three restaurants offering the finest Asian cuisine,' but if there are three, can they all really be the finest?"
[two second silence]
Waiter, walking by: "Probably not."
[two second silence followed by riotous laugher]
Nothing like Scherer, but here you go:
"There are literally thousands of minerals, so I'm going to make a list of thousands of minerals and make you memorize them."
"If there were soft mushy things that lived before the Cambrian explosion, and suddenly some of them figured out how to make shells, and everybody said, 'Hey, let's make shells!' [then the fossil record wouldn't tell us very much before that point]."
-Ken Farley, Rockology (Ge 1)
"Having homework due the first week of classes--there ought to be a rule against that!"
-David Wales, Ma 1c prac
"They tried to get people to use RWM for read/write memory, but it never caught on because you can't say 'rwmmh'."
-Glen George, EE 52 (the thing in quotes is my rendition of how one Glen pronounced 'RWM'.)
And that's that for that...
Tom: Cheese!
Dan: You should be a professional photographer.
(forgotten): But photographers tell *other* people to say cheese.
Tom: I should be a model!
Tom: "The Brightly Colored Spies" would be a good name for a rock band.
Tom: "My electron is on fire."
Who doesn't like a duct-tape-and-jelly sandwich once in a while?
- Mike Wilson
So let's say you have a really long cannon. How're you gonna use it? Poke people with it?
- Andrew
A couple of quotes from Saturday night's dinner at the Vietnamese place near Prestwo (we need to go there on Saturday nights more often).
Dan: "Working in real analysis is like stalking the real numbers."
[in response to the above, and Dan's subsequent discussion explaining exactly why he believes that]
Ben: "Dan, how much real analysis have you taken?"
Craig: "Dan, how much real life have you taken?"
Ben: "I feel like I've had a direct injection of LSD to the heart."
Craig: "Ben, how many fingers, tentacles, and other appendages are coming out of my palm?"
I decided to edit my AIM profile and I was happy with the quotishness I found for it so I post it here, too :).
she walks in beauty, like the night
of cloudless climes and starry skies;
and all that's best of dark and bright
meet in her aspect and her eyes
george gordon, lord byron
"In adolescence, I hated life and was continually on the verge of suicide, from which, however, I was prevented by the desire to know more mathematics." -- Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness
They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars--on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.
Robert Frost
Marlena: I think [taking the mallet away] will discourage people from hitting the gong a bit.
Daniel: I dunno, people will do anything if they get drunk enough.
Guy #3: It's funny that you should happen to say that right now...
[Guys 2-5 procede to pick up guy #1 and smash his head into the gong.]
(I myself was later used as a gong mallet in this manner.)
[Monica kicks the gong]
Guy #4: [To me] Are you the gong master?
Daniel: I don't think so.
Guy #4: You are the gong master. I have waited so long to meet you
(awkward silence)
Guy #4: Have you seen a thong?
(awkward silence)
Guy #4: Like, a black thong sandal?
Daniel: Not really.
Monica: Umm, you're wearing both of your shoes...
Daniel: Yeah. Whose is it?
Guy #4: I don't know. It doesn't matter.
Daniel: Huh?
Guy #4: Just look for it and if you find it just shout, "Hey, gong-master follower."
So all in all it was a pretty awesome party. Everyone else post more quotes.
This will be the little ball of fur where our quotes from that event are posted. If you have other ones, but perhaps not enough to merit a separate post, make a comment and I will add them here.
"Drink your alcohol!"
- Emily to Ben, in a very strict, motherly tone
"She stole my sock and changed its basis."
- Ben, of Emily
"I heard there was a girl with a Linux penguin on her sweatshirt..."
- Kenneth, longingly
"Let me know if your vector intersects my space."
- Randall, to Tom
Quotes from tonight's Bi1 party:
You can treat sanity with Parkinson's Disease?
-- Tom
No! We're not taking the non-negations far enough!
-- Tom
Epibatidine? Does that sit on top of a bat?
-- Jaap
Singing histogram for you, sir.
-- Craig
Why was I just chewing aluminum foil?
-- Tom
Dark fluorescent protein!
-- Andrew
And older quotes that I had sitting around:
You look like a condom without a minister of defense.
-- Ben, to Jesse
By that I mean Jerry Nader doesn't do any Ralphmandering.
-- Ben
Ryan: Happy workers are more efficient than unhappy workers.
Raman: Drunk workers are less efficient than sober workers.
Sandy: Why are people throwing around my socks?
Lucie: Because I couldn't get to your fish!
I'm gonna show up with a really huge bias against Antarctica here.
-- Katie Stoy's sister, about the unconscious bias test
Real exchange between Emma and John:
Emma: (long moping whining complaining sequence deleted).....maybe I should join JDate. I just want to date a nice JEWISH guy and unfortunately there aren't too many of those around here at Tech.
John: I want to date a GIRL at Caltech and unfortunately there aren't too many of those here either.
***Post date was originally 2004-04-19 00:08:36, it was modified to keep it there for another day. Good discussion guys. -Nick
"Are you wearing underwear? I was trying to find it but I couldn't find any."
--Jenny to Jesse
"Oh, I'm very excited! Wait...you mean mine?"
--Trevor, in response
"It would be quite a trick to wave one's ears about in a flirtatious manner."
--Valerie
"You're a drug addict's zookeeper. It's all very disturbing."
--Ben to Valerie
"Maybe they're just closet exhibitionists."
--Maryam
"Not *every* place I have sex in is a cemetery."
--Maryam
"Did you say 'empty pitchers of moldy cheddar cheese'?"
--Jaap (I think)
Jenny: "Some things go really well on a full stomach."
Jesse: "Like pizza?"
And now we can erase the inside board and use it for experimental confirmation of economic theories...
Dan131 M: We need a separate Relizzle server
dan131m: In fact, we could sell it as a religion
dan131m: we have a holy book that averages people's beliefs on things as they post and changes accordingly
dan131m: so you have to check the website to see if it's okay to do something or not
wily crabbit: that would be excellent
wily crabbit: we could amass a large following
Dan Poon: "It's an exponential approachiation!"
"You could use my little insulating fingertip condom."
-Jeremy, on light bulbs
Ben: "Hey Joey, did you eat Sukh's prefrosh?"
Joey: "Yep."
Ben and Sukh, perfectly in unison: "Was she tasty?"
"Pythagoras would have kicked my ass right now."
-Dan Pragel (Ma 1cP TA)
"Feral partial derivatives are a big problem in the wild...reproducing at will..."
-John S.
A couple of conversations I had with a girl from my highschool which you might find entertaining.
(name obscured): besides, i love the wild nerd boys
(name obscured): they're the most fun in the world
(name obscured): : then you just get to enjoy their psyche
dan131m: the "Wild Nerd Boys"
dan131m: sounds like a great name for a rock band
As to why the name is obscured:
(name obscured): oh yeah, that'd be great
(name obscured): I don't really want a bunch of caltechers sending me emails saying "hey
(name obscured): is this the chick that likes the wild nerd boys?"
dan131m: rtoflmao
(name obscured): not that it wouldn't be slightly erotic
(name obscured): but i don't really want to think of the creative pictures they'd send me
Some quotes from the Ge 1 trip last weekend:
"I know that everybody wants to poke the rattlesnake and see it rattle. If you do this, be sure you have a long stick and that everybody around you knows what you're doing."
-(Prof.) Ken Farley
"With fusion power, we can make the ocean our bitch."
-Jeremy
"This is like regenerative braking, only instead of generating electricity we're generating puns."
-Me
On another note, if you like to spend hours staring at messes of little wires that are all the same f***ing color, you should take EE 52.
"If this weren't true, then it wouldn't be true."
"Lagrange... was a man."
"You look puzzled, but I'm not puzzled."
"24 + 15 > 60/2" (on board); verbally: "I think."
[AIM]
Ben: but if we can find a subgroup of order p in Gal(L/Q) that has no nonidentity elements fixing a, we know that the fixed field F does not contain a.
Nick: Ah, I see.
Nick: Thanks.
Ben: : )
Ben: stupid math
Ben: i'm becoming a botanist
"Male prostitution is the way to go"
-- Ruby
(Setting: A hallway in Dabney, approximately 5:30 AM.)
1: Good morning.
2: Good morning...it is, isn't it?
1: Yes, it is. The sun just woke up...silly thing.
2: Really. Why is it that the sun has to wake up every morning? Couldn't it just take a day off?
1: I don't know. Good night.
2: Good night.
Ben's current away message is "waiting to be seduced by sexy nerd boys with linux skills." You see I thought for a moment he was talking about me but then realized he also said "sexy."
Anyhow an easy quote opportunity:
(00:08:23) Kenneth: what is your worst nightmare?
(00:08:23) Ben <AUTO-REPLY> : waiting to be seduced by sexy nerd boys with linux skills
Not wanting to waste my only quote post thus far, here are two from Forster:
"You multiply. That makes it a little bigger." 04/28/2004
"As long as you're going to believe in monopoles you might as well believe in conservation of monopoles." 05/03/2004
"The organized charity, scrimped and iced, in the name of a cautious,
statistical Christ."
"Make sure to send a lazy man the angel of death."
--spam
Poon: Two hums is very nice. I took two hums first term, and I was very inspired.
Alan: You sound like one of those poet people. "I saw a birdie, and I was very inspired." *makes memorable gesture*
So Ben is currently drinking Miller light on the floor in my room. And holding up a small green bouncy-ball, he stated: "If this were to be the meaning of life, I would not be disappointed. It is green and has many colours."
Poon: *walks into Dabney hall with a skirt on* I just need to know one thing. How Hard Is Physics? Do I have to fuck itself?
"Figure 8.2.12: The falling cat rights itself by wriggling its body parts."
-- My vector calculus book (Marsden & Tromba)
"We were just talking about Taylor series with imaginary coefficients, and it gives you Trogdor!"
-- Matt Wroten, on the way back from Math 108
"How does dragging me off involve going to bed?"
-- Emily to Ben
"This is one of those 'Was it good for you, honey' moments."
-- Ben to Emily and Sukh, lying idylically side by side on Sukh's floor
"I was going to go to sleep, and then you came and started offering me money... what the hell?"
-- Emily to Ben
Ben: "Emily! Death! No wait...."
He meant to tell me to go to sleep, but we had just been discussing the death of Ronald Reagan. But then, we all know Ben wants me dead anyway.
sukhada23: emily and I are goin to the library
wily crabbit: have fun having sex
sukhada23: well we will have to be very secretive about it though :)
wily crabbit: mm that's why they have those private rooms
sukhada23: with glass windows?
wily crabbit: well what do you expect? not to entertain the audience?
sukhada23: no i need money if they are getting entertained
sukhada23: there is no free entertainment
"I'm glad you found the meaning of life in my bed."
-- Emily to Ben
Ben L: Have you ever had this feeling that you're right about something but you just can't explain it to others??
me: Well, there are a lot of physics majors here...
Jeremy: You volunteered to be a UGCS sysadmin next year?!
Kenneth: Yes...
Jeremy: Isn't that like having a 12-unit girlfriend, without actually having the girlfriend?
"It all fit until you said 'dominatrix'."--Valerie, to Jenny
"Lisp is the opposite of German."--Trevor
She's scary . . . in a cute kind of way.
--John
"[They will] only encourage the common people to move about needlessly.''
-- The Duke of Wellington, on early steam railroads
"Of course, it's not very interesting to be addicted to coffee; it's much more interesting, economically, to be addicted to heroin." -- Prof. Kiewiet, Ps 12
"My extension is x4349. But I don't live there . . . I live at (626) 395-43 . . . maybe I do live there."
"No late homework. If you turn in your homework late, large men will come to your door and beat you up..."
"Then by techniques that are called 'proof' in mathematics, we can actually prove [something] . . ."
"If you write little arrows on the paper and stuff, that's considered a rigorous proof."
-- Prof. Gary Lorden (Ma 2a)
"How many of you have parents who constantly want to get it on?"
-- Prof. Rod Kiewiet, in the midst of a fairly unexpected interlude about the pros and cons of a long marriage
Emma: "Well, that program says you have to be a junior or a senior. And my guess is they actually care. Unlike at Caltech where if you're smart enough, good enough, or misogynistic enough........wait.......masochistic enough."
"So this is time for the drug-bending..."
-Kenneth, on Ph 2a
Emily: "What are you doing?"
Lee: "I'm getting stuck in your hair."
(via Valerie)
"Maybe Pitman overdoes this [drawing tree diagrams], because he draws a lot of trees, making it difficult to see the forest."
-Lorden, on trees
"There's a thing in medicine called 'testing.'"
-Lorden, on medicine
"I'm going to derive it the good old-fasioned Caltech way: by drawing on the board and claiming it's true."
-Lorden, on proof
"Frequently you come across physics problems that make no sense, but somehow you can solve them."
-Matt Matuszewski (Ph 2a section 6 TA)
"Lots of things don't work so well at minus 200 Kelvin -- such as the Universe!" - Tom